You never realise how much you rely on the mental safeguards in your life.
As I come to terms with my wanting to transition from male to female, I’m slowly removing the safeguards I put in place growing up. Things I sub-consciously put up, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the issue. I don’t know really how to describe it. I know they are there, but I couldn’t tell you exactly what they are.
But one came down at work last night.
Unless I am having to shave or am putting on makeup, I don’t like looking at my face in the mirror. Once the makeup is on, even just lipstick, I’m fine. But if I haven’t shaved in a couple of days, or have no makeup on? I don’t like what I see.
It was a bit of a shock, to be honest. To suddenly look in the mirror and not want to see the face that is there.
But I dealt with it. I just have to remember that this is the face I have now, and that it will change to something better in the future.
Here’s hoping all the safeguards are this easy to deal with as they come down.